


Without A Catch

by cinnabongene



Category: Better Call Saul (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Open Relationships, Post-Episode: s03e10 Lantern, Post-Season/Series 03, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 05:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/pseuds/cinnabongene
Summary: Howard comforts Jimmy after Chuck's funeral.





	Without A Catch

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably shitty but y'all asked for it.

Jimmy always knew he would be here someday. He knew he’d be standing outside in an Albuquerque cemetery, surrounded by prestigious men and women, all dressed in black. He always knew he would outlive his brother. He just hadn’t expected it would happen this soon. Or like this. 

He hadn’t expected the closed casket. He hadn’t expected how everyone’s eyes seemed to dig into him, as if somehow this was his fault, as if he could have prevented this. He hadn’t expected to think they were right. 

He couldn’t stop the tears that fell in streams down his cheeks as they lowered Chuck’s casket into the earth. He tried to be quiet, but he couldn’t stop the desperate, bereaved sounds that formed in the back of his throat. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last words Chuck had ever said to him. That he’d never mattered much to him. His whole body shook with another sob. Kim gripped his arm with her good hand. 

Once Chuck was in the ground and most of the mourners had gone back to their lives, Jimmy stayed and stood over the grave, staring at it, trying to make himself believe this was real. He’d told Kim to go home without him. He didn’t want to hold her back. 

Someone cleared their throat. Jimmy whipped his red, tear-streaked face around to find Howard Hamlin standing behind him. “Howard,” he said, his voice breaking. “You’re still here?” 

Howard thought of making up some excuse about wanting to pay his respects when there was less people around, but he and Jimmy didn’t need any more bullshit in their lives just yet. “I… I was worried about you.” 

Jimmy scoffed. “Me?”

“Jimmy… Chuck was… my closest friend. But he was your brother. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.” 

Jimmy looked away. “You’re right. You can’t. So stop trying.” 

“I just… I want to make sure you don’t blame yourself for… for what happened,” said Howard. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” 

The coldness in Jimmy’s voice struck Howard right to the core. He tentatively put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “Jimmy. You know this isn’t your fault. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.” 

“How would it be your fault?” Jimmy asked. 

“A couple weeks ago, I told him he should retire. He tried to sue the firm. So I was going to pay him off, out of my own pocket. I think the stress and the guilt were too much, and he relapsed,” Howard admitted. “But it’s not your fault.” 

Jimmy shook his head. “No. It wasn’t you. It was me. First the trial, then the Sandpiper shit. A little while before it happened, I went over to his house to check on him. He told me I didn’t matter to him. So I stopped checking on him.” Jimmy felt tears welling up in his eyes again. He blinked to try to hold them back, but it just made them roll down his face instead. “Dammit, Howard. I should have checked on him!” 

And now Jimmy was sobbing. And Howard was at a total loss for what to do. He could count the times he’d seen grown men cry on one hand. So he did the only thing he could think of and wrapped Jimmy in a loose one-armed hug. Much to Howard’s surprise, Jimmy collapsed against him, resting his face on Howard’s shoulder and staining his Giorgio Armani suit with tears. 

“Hey, Jimmy. It’s alright. I should have checked on him, too,” Howard said softly. “He wasn’t your responsibility.” 

But Jimmy just kept crying, so Howard looked around and moved them to a nearby bench. He didn’t know how long he sat there, just holding Jimmy, gently rubbing his back, and telling him it was alright. After a while, Jimmy looked up a Howard with quizzical, bloodshot eyes. “Why are you doing this?” he asked. 

“Doing what?”

“Being so nice to me. No one’s this nice without a catch.” 

Howard sighed. “Look, Jimmy. I know we’ve had our differences, but I’ve always admired you. No one should have to be alone like this.” 

Jimmy scoffed. “What’s there to admire about me? Chuck certainly didn’t see anything.”

“Well, for one, your work ethic. You put yourself through law school without once coming to Chuck or myself for help. Your… sense of morality may be questionable at times. But you’re a good lawyer, Jimmy. Kim sees that. I see that. And even though he wouldn’t admit it, I think Chuck saw that, too.” 

Jimmy let out a dark chuckle as he pulled himself away from Howard’s side and sat up. “If Chuck’s watching us, he’s rolling in his grave right now.” 

Howard looked away and laughed, but it was more than Jimmy’s remark had warranted. 

“What?” Jimmy asked. 

“Oh, I was just remembering when you first came to work at the firm. I had considered asking you out for a drink. But, I figured it was best not to rock the boat with Chuck.” 

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were married.” 

Howard looked down at his ring. “Oh, this? That’s just so clients don’t ask too many questions. An unmarried man my age… people start to get suspicious.” 

Jimmy nodded and swallowed hard. “Do you, uh, wanna get that drink now?” he asked. 

Howard raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were with Kim.”

Jimmy looked down. “It’s an open type deal.” 

“Ah.” Howard hesitated for a moment. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” 

“No, but fuck it,” said Jimmy, standing and holding out his hand. “I think we could both use a drink right now.”


End file.
